35: Self-Pity vs True Empathy

What is the distinction between self-pity and empathy? Luke explores this crucial difference this week with his guest, Alana Gordon (LMFT, betrayal trauma coach, and Director at Choose Recovery Services).

Together they discuss how self-pity, often mistaken for genuine remorse, can actually block authentic connection and prevent real healing. Through their personal story of betrayal and recovery, they reveal why well-intentioned attempts to show remorse can backfire, and they share insights about how to create space for true healing and growth.

Chapters

• 01:08 The Harm of Self-Pity

  
  



• 04:33 Performative Actions

  
  



• 07:42 Humility vs Self-Pity

  
  



• 08:51 The Drama Triangle

  
  



• 12:58 Accountability

  
  



• 19:08 ⁠Unmasked Intensive⁠

  
  



• 20:57 ⁠Revive and Thrive Intensive⁠

  
  

Learn more about ⁠Alana Gordon⁠ and tune in to her podcast ⁠Choose To Be⁠.

Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE⁠

Coming Up!

• ⁠Unmasked: Paths to Authentic Masculinity for Men⁠⁠ - This is a three-day live intensive designed to help men delve deep into understanding integrity, unveiling layers of shame, and reclaiming their authentic selves. Intensive will be held in Spanish Fork, UT on Jan 15-17, 2025. Learn more and register⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠.

  
  



• ⁠Revive and Thrive: Betrayal Trauma Intensive for Women⁠ - This four-day retreat aims to provide a holistic and nurturing environment for women to heal through somatic body work. Learn to reconnect with your body, process your trauma, and build resilience. Join us January 22-25, 2025 in Spanish Fork, Utah. Register ⁠HERE⁠.

  
  

Connect With Us:

• Learn more about Luke ⁠here⁠. 

  
  



• Schedule a complimentary consultation with Luke ⁠here⁠.

  
  



• Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list and get notified when new episodes air! ⁠Sign up here⁠.

  
  

Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:

• ⁠Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group⁠ - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.

  
  



• ⁠Help. Her. Heal⁠ - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. 

  
  



• ⁠Empowerment After Betrayal for Men⁠⁠ - This betrayal trauma support group is for men who have been betrayed. They will receive resources to recover from betrayal trauma while being surrounded by a supportive community.

  
  

Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:

• ⁠Intensives⁠ - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.

  
  



• ⁠Road to Recovery Webinar⁠ - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal. 

  
  

• ⁠Healing Hearts⁠ - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy. Available as a support group or a self-paced course.

  
  



• ⁠Choose Healing⁠ - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma. First four weeks are free!

  
  



• ⁠Choose Renewal⁠ - For women recovering from unwanted sexual behavior. Focus on recovery and healing from patterns of sexual acting out in a safe, nurturing community.

  
  



• ⁠Resilient Teens⁠ - Ongoing support group for teens ages 15-18 whose parents have experienced betrayal in their marriage.

  
  



• ⁠Adult Children Uniting for Healing⁠ - Ongoing support group for adult children of parents who have experienced betrayal in their marriage and who need support navigating their own experience with betrayal.Learn more and register for courses at ⁠chooserecoveryservices.com