finding connection by ditching belonging with Jennifer O'Grady

About Jennifer O’Grady | she/her, coach, mom, white-skinned, multi-racial, cis-gender, hetero, neuro-typical

Jennifer is a life-long Chicagoan, human raising 3 other humans and a lover of office supplies. Her oxygen is creating connection and collaboration which she cultivates through one-on-one coaching, facilitating The WELL (Women Engaged in Life) and offering safe space for all of life to be experienced, shared and elevated.   

Learn more at www.alifeallin.com

Jennifer spotlighted It’s a place for women and non-binary people to be witnessed; Anne's Haven provides unconfined space to women, girls, and nonbinary people of all ethnic, racial, sexual, and religious identities. Our center offers a vibrant environment through which people can learn from and support one another through their spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, emotional, professional, and social development journeys. 

Lean more at http://www.anneshaven.net/

*** 

All Up in It is a project by coach SB Rawz focused on telling stories of growth and change from the thick of learning. Learn more about SB, coaching with her, & her projects at https://rawzcoaching.com

***

• Jennifer O’Grady is finishing a program in somatic coaching
• She’s exploring her cis-gender, heterosexual, white-skinned, woman, multi-racial, neuro-typical container in this world as a politically liberal person navigating and using her privilege as a coach, mom, friend… (whew!) – and she’s all up in how this awareness and action is unfurling in her life
• A recent beautiful and hard conversation with one of her kids (who is neuro-divergent, like her siblings and father) helped her see both she’s been unconsciously inviting others to call her out on her unconscious biases
• Jen tells a story of a coaching session with a woman of color that cracked open for Jen how her white skin can actually be a tool for helping others feel seen and witnessed – and how she could have chosen to leave the space but that her client couldn’t
• We explored the different flavors of words like “ally” and “collaborator” and “co-conspirator” and touched on the experience of having the privilege that comes from being able to pass if we so choose (Jen as white-skinned, me as straight) and also the desire to be seen for the fullness of our intersections of identity
• Jennifer spotlights Myisha T Hill as a person she learns from and from whom she first heard the idea of being a co-conspirator as a white-skinned person
• Connection – real connection – is a huge part of what drives Jen and that often that connection comes not from speaking but from consciously not speaking
• What she’s all up in – the thick of her learning curve – is having her eyes open to all of these areas of privilege and moving from safe space to brave space
• I brought in my thoughts about how being in the middle third of my life has given me an unexpected bonus privilege of seeming innocuous as a white, middle-aged woman
• Jennifer speaks a bit about having been raised by a Scandinavian mom and Puerto Rican dad and seeing her dad experience micro-aggressions that she, until recently, reactively downplayed
• We touched into how the importance of centering connecting in her life means giving up her trauma-based grasping of belonging… which leads a lack of greater belonging and connection (I referenced Ubuntu which I invite you to learn more about in this TEDx Talk by Getrude Matsche)
• Jen added on this beautiful image of belonging/connection related to trees and their inextricable, absolutely necessary interconnection, by way of mycelium, underground)
• Tools that are helping her navigate this learning curve include radical honesty and radical compassion when she gets it wrong; and especially leaning into the connections she has to create more connection
• She noted that we don’t know how to be witnessed (though we crave it) and so we are lacking the tools to fully witness others in their grief and pain
• Anne’s Haven is the non-profit that Jennifer spotlighted. It’s a place for women and non-binary people to be witnessed; Anne's Haven provides unconfined space to women, girls, and nonbinary people of all ethnic, racial, sexual, and religious identities. Our center offers a vibrant environment through which people can learn from and support one another through their spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, emotional, professional, and social development journeys.